On the couch with Sharkticon
by Prander
Summary: You can hear that famous theme, can't you? Thanks for the feedback and reviews and please check out my profile or forum for a personal thank you. :)


Manuscript of audio recording from David Smith. PsyD for the Oceanographic Institute, San Francisco California. October 14th 2013.

"So Mr. Sharkticon. How are we doing this week?"

"**Hungry."**

"Yes, well. Have you found time to answer the questionnaire like we discussed? It's a very informative process."

"**I guess."**

"I see you have it there."

"**Some of it."**

"Ah...I see. Was there a problem?"

"**Hungry."**

"Yes, well...I see you've eaten the last six pages but that's ok. We can use the first..."

(papers rustling)

"Did you answer 'hungry' to every single question?"

"**What else is there?"**

"Okay, moving on. Two days ago the Institute was finally prepared to observe what would happen when you were introduced into the Earth's oceans."

"**Yeah. I guess."**

"They radioed back you had encountered a Great White shark just off shore. A very fortunate chance meeting albeit a little tense."

(subject shrugs)

"I know several of my colleagues were theorizing what would happen when you finally met the ocean's top predator. What were your thoughts?"

"**Still waitin'."**

"Excuse me?"

"**Still waitin'."**

"But...you already met him. The Great White shark. That was him."

"**_That _food?" **

"Why yes."

(subject snorts)

"**Tasty."**

"Well that's...that's remarkable. Was there video documentation?"

"**Yeah. Some. They yell to me slow down."**

"Slow down?"

"**So I ate another one."**

"I'm afraid I don't...you ate him to _fast_?"

(subject shrugs and presumably picks his teeth)

"**Couple a' bites."**

"And then?"

"**Ate a few more. And a few other foods. But then they say eat to many and stop."**

"I see."

"**Make up mind, huh? They get mad. Yell to me 'Dolphins are friends!'"**

"Oh my goodness."

***Braaack!***

(subject coughs up plastic water bottle)

"Oh my. Yes. There were also some concerns about the impact of pollution as well. An unfortunate circumstance I'm afraid. Did you say Dolphins?"

"**Po-lute-on?"**

"Pollution. The water bottle and other such detritus you must have encountered."

"**Wha' about it?"**

"There is a varying degree of pollutants in the oceans which result in a direct impact on marine life. The NOI science divers were particularly interested in filming your reaction to that but then this...did you really eat...a dolphin?"

"**Two or three. Hey if you think they bad for the water then get them out of the water."**

"Dolphins? The pollutants?"

"**The scientists."**

"I'm afraid I don't understand."

(subject shrugs)

"**Makes no difference to me."**

"I'm afraid I still don't...wait, Mr. Sharkticon the scientists are not the pollutants. They're...well, _scientists_."

"**To rubbery. Chewy."**

(tape records five seconds of silence)

"Do you mean to tell me...you _ate_ the scientists?!"

"**Yeah. Right after dolphins. Who do you think was holding water bottle?"**

"Oh my God!"

"**Confuse Sharkticon. Don't eat this. Don't eat that. Don't eat us. Food is food, huh?"**

"You...but it...this was..."

"**They picture it. Here camera."**

(subject holds up water-proof digital camera)

"**See?!"**

"Are those your teeth?!"

"**Yeah, that's a good one!"**

"Good lord! I have to...I have to contact someone!"

"**I look good in this one."**

"Are you insane?"

"**Huh?"**

"I'm calling security!"

"**How come?"**

"You just can't _eat _people!"

"**How come?"**

"Because you can't!"

"**Hey you get in water, you food."**

"Didn't someone explain this to you, you freak? You can't just _eat _them!"

"**They should explain how. Next time I first peel off rubber. Hey where you goin' Doc?"**

(door opens)

"Security! Can some one...where is everybody?!"

"**They gone."**

"What?"

"**They food."**

"WHAT?!"

"**Tasty."**

"You don't mean..."

"**Much better on land. No rubber clothes."**

(subject transforms)

"What are you doing?!"

"**Hungry"**

"No! Stop! Stay back! Oh my God!"

(Tape abruptly ends...thankfully.)

Ultra Magnus. Auditor. Insurance claim # 4628. Payment pending.


End file.
